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The stars aren't aligned in my favor.
dianne. 19. vegas.

sexhaver:

i knew a dude in college who kept an old Smirnoff bottle full of water on his desk and would casually chug straight out of it in the middle of conversations with new people in order to establish dominance

thezaynmalikdefensesquad:

canadians stop commenting on posts like you aint fuckin kill ya native population

brits stop commenting on posts like you aint colonize and enslave like 90% of the globe bc this shit is essentially your fault if you wanna be fuckin real

(Source: zanemalicks)

brainbr0ken:

aworldfortheyoung:

screwsociety:

lame-waves:

i guess i recorded an ice bucket challenge today after i got my wisdom teeth out ??

"I’M BLEEDING….. that’s okay i can still do it"

kgar006

omgofmgogmgogmfkgmgogmg

quickweaves:

Me before I get my check: capitalism is killing us all this is a corrupt system

Me when I get my check: BROKE NIGGAS MAKE ME SICK. THROW UP!

dangergays:

My boyfriend broke up with me and my 80 year old, 5 foot tall, Indian grandmother told me that “there are lots of men…”

I thought she was then going to say “…in the sea” but she said “…they’re like flies” and made a disgusted face.

She hates flies.

puellamagidolaon:

lovrdlogic:

When you crack your knuckles you hurt the skeleton inside you

Good, the skeleton needs to know that I am the alpha and I am in control.

koalatea:

i hate when ppl make fun of me for trying 2 be positive and spread good vibes like fuck your bitter ass i spent a good portion of my short life being bitter and angry and suicidal if i wanna shoot sunshine out of my ass then i fuckin will 

nicolegendary:

hell-born-rising-demon:

dolofang:

klartie:

when boys have sleepovers do they sleep in the same bed like girls do or do the rules of no homo include sharing beds

girls always share beds. and covers and clothes and food and personal space. sometimes even bathrooms

Girls share everything.

#girls dont believe in no homo #all da homo #dont give a fuck.

lightandlark:

ameliadoesaninternet:

veruca-assault:

ms-kawesome:

The next time a man starts yelling at you, cut him off and tell him you just can’t talk to him when he’s being so emotional.

I have done this and can confirm that is a LOT of fun to watch them implode afterward.

Bonus points: Tell them you think it’s cute when they get so angry. 

Extra credit: Tell them to “calm down.”